


And the World Goes Round

by thisdiva99



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-03-13 02:50:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13561134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdiva99/pseuds/thisdiva99
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL VIOLENCE. This fanfiction was originally a therapy exercise, now trying to make this a full-fledged story. Rose and the 9th Doctor must navigate a new world, right on Earth, as Rose is attacked. How will she face this new challenge?





	1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Doctor Who  
Pairing: 9/Rose  
Warning: I do not own anything Doctor Who-related. BBC has the lot. I simply needed to see this bit of therapy through.

"And the World Goes Round"

Rose turned the key in the lock and opened the TARDIS door slowly. All of her brain power was willing the Doctor to be ANYWHERE but the control room. She couldn’t look at him right now. She didn’t think she could look at him ever again. If he knew what had just happened, she’d be staring up at the Powell Estate towers with her ass and backpack on the ground so fast she’d see stars. 

“Rose! Have a good time?”

Damn it, she thought. I have to get to my room…. now. “Yup! Great. Shareen was a bit knackered, so we came home early. To be honest, I’m a bit tired myself. Off to bed!”

“Alright, off with you. My tinkering will take the night. Pleasant dreams!”

Rose practically ran up the ramp, across the console room and down the hall. What she didn’t see in her rush was a leather-jacketed man turning toward her quickly-retreating form, staring a crystal blue stare.  
**********************************************************

The door slammed and Rose sighed in a huff. She struggled to pull off her denim jacket, skirt, tank top and tights. Forgot to take her shoes off first and nearly fell over. Get it together, Tyler. Focus. Her thoughts became more and more fragmented, and she clung to her shoes, standing in the middle of the room. A shower, she thought. Just need a shower. Finally taking the remainder of her clothing off, she turned the taps on for the tub and flipped the lever for the shower head. She stepped in slowly; When did I start shaking? Going through the motions of washing her body and hair, images of the evening flashed in her mind. She stumbled out of the shower and flung the toilet lid back. I’m going to be sick. Oh God, why now? Why did I let this happen?  
**********************************************************

She didn’t show up in the morning for breakfast, and the Doctor made a face at the empty kitchen. This was not like her at all. She had kept a habit back from her Henrik’s days, waking at 7:30am for her first cuppa. Her blessed little ape brain needed a sleep schedule, and she stuck to it. But now it was nearly 10am. He put on the kettle and sought out 2 mugs in the cabinet. Popping a teabag in each, he thought about the next place to which they could travel. 

A watched pot never boils, he thought, and walked down the hall to Rose’s room. He knocked and waited for Rose’s response. Nothing. Knocking louder the second time, he called out “Hey sleepyhead….Time to make the life-threatening adventures!” He laughed to himself. Dunkin Donuts had the best coffee in three galaxies. 

Still there was no response. He was worried now. Throwing caution to the wind, he risked her wrath and pointed his sonic screwdriver at the door. It opened. No Rose. The bed was made, her things were gone, and there was a note on the bed.

Dear Doctor, 

I can no longer travel with you. I’m no good to you or anyone.

Rose

He distractedly shoved the note in his never-ending pocket and sucked in a huge breath, respiratory bypass be damned; now his stomach turned in knots and his hearts beat out of rhythm. This couldn’t be. Please, not Rose. Of all the wide Universe, he couldn’t lose this one human girl. He looked around the room for any sign of where he could find her. Had she left anything behind? The bedroom yielded nothing. He looked to the bathroom next. Her toiletries and copious piles of cosmetics were gone, but the trash bin was overflowing. The shoes, skirt, tights and top she had worn last night were all there, even her bra and knickers. Why would she have left these things specifically? He ran out of the room and set the console controls for the Powell Estates.

“Get the hell away from me, wanker!”

Rose lifted the shot glass to her lips, both relishing and grimacing at the alcohol burning its way down her throat. The last 18 hours were quickly becoming a blur, and she relaxed on the inside after screaming at the unwelcome bar patron, warding off his feeble attempt at a chat-up. Thank God for pubs; they specialized in the Hair of the Dog. She had no intention of leaving her barstool anytime soon. She had left the Doctor. She had left her mother. She had left her comforts of home, both Estate and TARDIS. And she would never go back to any of them again. 

Her brain practically ached at the thoughts of what had happened the previous night. But even more than that, she was reeling at the realization that she had not done a single thing about it. She should have fought more effectively. She should have told someone. She should have gone back and found the motherfucker who hurt her, pointed the Doctor’s sonic at him, and melted his bits right off.

Instead, she had run away. After retching into the toilet for what felt like a century, and finishing her shower on the TARDIS, she packed her bag, slung it on her back, and waited. She knew the Doctor would take a “tinkering break” to read in the swimming pool (What a place for a library!) at 3am. When she listened at the door, she heard those footsteps pass by and fade down the hallway, and she booked it. She slipped out the front door of the TARDIS and hopped a bus across the city. She sat down in the first pub she found and ordered herself a whiskey. And another….and another….and another…..

**********************************************************  
“Jackie! Jackie! Open the door!”

“Keep your knickers on!!!”

Jackie Tyler opened her apartment door, and a Time Lord burst inside.

“Amazing. A year ago, alien invasion of my flat would have seemed odd.”

The Doctor ignored her and went directly to Rose’s room. “Rose, what’s wrong? Where’re you hidin?”

“Doctor, she’s not here.”

“Did she come by this morning?”

“No, she said she’d be with you the next bit of time.”

“I found this. I don’t know what she means.”

Jackie read the note and paled. She spun to stare at the Doctor and whispered, “What did you do to her?” Her hand had crumpled the paper and was already raised to strike. He backed off a step.

“Jackie, she went out with Shareen last night. She didn’t get back very late, and seemed fine. Just tired.” He didn’t add how worried he had been as he watched her walk off to bed as though the Devil was chasing her.

“Well, explain this then, you alien bastard! You don’t seem all that concerned.”

The Doctor stopped dead and locked his icy blue eyes on her face.

“I made a promise to you, and I will keep it. Jackie, there is nothing on this ridiculous planet that can keep me from finding Rose and why she ran off. Concerned? I’m not concerned. I am hell-bent.”

He stalked down the hall and the toe of his boot pushed the cat door. He took a brief second to remember Rose’s face on the other side of that little flap not so long ago. “Stay here, Jackie. If she comes back, I want you to keep her here. But I have a feeling I may have to drag her back. Never underestimate the power of a Tyler female when she’s made up her mind.”

Rose couldn’t stop laughing. Her steps wandered all over the pavement and she just kept going, throwing her blonde head back and guffawing. The part of town she had ended up in was not the most posh, but it suited her just fine. She was damaged goods, and now her surroundings reflected her wretched insides. 

Where was she now? Away, away, far away, she sang in her head. When had her thoughts turned into music? And who really cared? The liquor coursing through her veins almost made her feel invincible. She forgot, for entire seconds at a time, what had happened to her just a day before. In the next few days she would need to start a new life, with new people, far away from her wonderful London. And there would be no more blue police box to swan off in. It was time to grow up, and forget about the Doctor. She did not know how she would do it, but there was no choice. Her damaged body would only slow him down. She smiled as she thought of his grabbing her hand and whispering “Run!” in that wonderful Northern accent. Now she had to run, and she hadn’t the slightest idea where. For the next moments she pondered this, before the alcohol took even greater hold of her system. She fell over something on the pavement, right into an alley. She felt a snap and intense pain before she blacked out.

**********************************************************  
The Doctor slammed his hand against the console and blew all the air from his lungs. How the hell would he find her? And how would he get into her thick skull that she would NEVER, EVER be worthless to him? What the hell had happened to her? He stopped thinking of all the possibilities long enough to pull his jacket off and throw it over the jump seat. Right on top of a hooded sweatshirt that belonged to Rose. He blinked ferociously for a moment, as there seemed to be something irritating in his eyes. Yes, that was it. There was something in his eye. 

“Help me… please,” he whispered to no one and everyone in the Universe. Well, he thought, time to do this the old-fashioned way. Sliding his jacket over his shoulders, he walked down the ramp, out into the afternoon haze. It was time to find his Rose. 

Hours passed, and he was still on the hunt. He asked about her in a number of shops she had frequented on other trips home. He called Mickey and Shareen, who could offer no help, but set out in other parts of the city to help look. Jackie called every 3 seconds to see if any progress had been made. The Doctor was seriously considering turning the bloody mobile off, except for the fact that Rose might call. So he kept answering, kept reassuring Jackie, and kept wishing it would be the younger Tyler calling. He made his way through posh and not-so-posh neighborhoods, and finally, when he started to think he may need to pull the TARDIS apart for more answers, and abandon his current search, he saw a little bit of blonde hair poke out of an alleyway. Running to the entrance, he saw his beautiful girl lying on the ground, unconscious. 

He couldn’t believe his luck. It almost made him believe in all that Fate rubbish. He fell to his knees in the alley and looked down at Rose. She reeked of alcohol, sweat, and fear. He didn’t think twice, but scooped her up into his lap, cradling her head at his shoulder, her shoulders down his bicep and in the crook of his elbow. “Rose? Rose, can you hear me?” She was out cold. He was frantic to know what was wrong with her, other than obvious inebriation, but he took one small moment to relish the feeling of her human warmth in his arms. He looked her up and down, noting her baggy clothing and crumpled ponytail. Finally, he saw her arm hanging at an odd angle. It was certainly broken. She needed medical attention this moment. He hefted himself off the ground, trying not to jostle her too much, and took off for the TARDIS. As he ran, he knew how suspicious he already must look, and hailed a taxi. As the car neared, he threw an indiscriminate amount of cash at the driver and yelled an address. It would take them at least 10 minutes to get to the TARDIS in its Powell Estates location. He willed the driver to use the gas pedal liberally.

Given the time available to him, he pulled out his sonic and waved it carefully over the length of Rose’s body. She had a broken arm, and a slight fever, most likely from the lack of treatment to the arm. He’d need to be particularly vigilant about infection. Luckily it was a closed break. He pulled her sleeve back down over her arm and held her close. The sonic seemed to confuse itself briefly, picking up more than one set of DNA, but after a shake it righted itself. No matter. He would give it a once-over when Rose had been attended to. Nothing else mattered. He looked down at her face and frowned. She was obviously pissed for a reason, and was willing to drink herself to the point where she could pass out and break her own arm without realizing. Unless…. Did someone break her arm? Was she attacked? How would he ever get her to talk to him? He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Rose even closer to him. Each time his brain thought of another horrible scenario concerning her, he held her a little tighter. He would give anything to look into her eyes and see her smile. He hated how quiet the cab was. He hated how frantically his mind wandered and assumed the worst. He took to stroking her hair with his free hand, and squirmed in his seat. Would they ever get there??

**********************************************************  
He got her into the TARDIS easily enough, and set his sights for the medical unit onboard. His eyes adjusted to the dim light, and soon he had her down on a medical couch. He set her in a sitting position, holding her torso up as he pulled the loose hoodie carefully from her body. She was still unconscious. He thanked whatever deities were on his side, keeping her from feeling the pain of her broken arm being jostled as her baggy t-shirt came off as well. She had no visible injuries other than her arm. His hands and crooked elbow guided her down in a lying position, and he set her arm quickly. There would be no need for those daft plaster casts, but a sling would most likely be a good idea. As he put it in place, looping it over her head and tightening it against her abdomen, she started to come to. He braced himself for the onslaught of Tyler fury, and set his face in a concerned stare.

Rose groggily opened her eyes and noticed the tears flowing down her face. She was in so much pain, but God only knew where it was coming from. Her whole body ached, her stomach roiled, her arm was on fire. She tried to sit up, but felt a large hand hold her still. This caused her to thrash and turn away from the hand that held her.

"Rose! Rose! Stay still, I've only just set your arm. Don't want it to break again."

She turned to look at the owner of the voice, and immediately felt some calm return. It was the Doctor. But then.... GOD NO! It couldn't be him. She had left him, left Mum, left everyone behind. How had she even gotten to this place? She looked to her left and right and saw the TARDIS medical room. He had found her and brought her here. She had to get out.

"Doctor, please give me my shirt. I need to go. I can't stay here."

"Why? Why on earth did you leave without a word? Why did you not tell your mum where you were going? Or me? I don't understand. Just tell me what's wrong!" His eyes flared bright blue as his frustration began to show itself.

"Doctor, you have no idea what you're talking about. I don't want to see you or my mum ever again. You don't know what I am. You don't know what's happened.... I can't.... I just..."

Rose began to weep in earnest, and sat up, pushing his hand away. As the Doctor moved to put an arm around her, she hopped up from the medical couch onto her unsteady feet. She flinched and started to wobble. She was going to be sick, she was dizzy, and she could barely see in front of her own face. She fell into a pile of limbs on the floor, fainting. The couch was in the way, and so the Doctor watched helplessly as Rose lost consciousness again. Livid, he ran around to the other side of the couch, looped his arms behind her neck and under her knees, and hauled her back upon it. He sighed and did what he hoped he wouldn't have to. He thrust a hypo of a mild sedative against her arm and pressed the button. Once he was sure she wouldn't move for the moment, he grabbed the mobile phone with his other hand from his pocket. It was time to call in Jackie.

Jackie hauled herself across the estate lot and banged on the TARDIS door. It clicked open, and she ventured inside. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen; the traveling capsule had known to let her in itself, and lit the way to her daughter's side. The med bay was cool and quiet, and Jackie soon saw a quietly breathing lump that she assumed was Rose. The lump was not in and of itself Rose-shaped, but it was firmly attached at the hand to a sleeping leather-clad Time Lord, and so it could only be her. As she neared her daughter, the Doctor stirred and gave a small close-lipped smile, acknowledging Jackie and trying to give some semblance of reassurance. 

"Rose? Rose, it's me. It's your mum. Can you hear me?"

"Jackie," the Doctor offered, "she may not be able to hear you quite yet. I gave her a bit of a sedative to stop her moving while her arm is so newly set." 

"Alright, I'll give it a bit of time. What did she say to you, Doctor? Did she tell you anything that happened at all?"

"No, Jackie. I'm hoping she'll let you in enough to tell us both. She didn't seem to want to even be near me."

"Alright, well, cheer up. She tells you everything, probably more than me nowadays. We'll figure it out, all together." At this Jackie and the Doctor briefly smiled at each other. 

The lump moved on the bed, and both Jackie and the Doctor drew was close as they could to the bed. Jackie held the hand not taken up in a sling, and the Doctor stood to her side, down near her knees. Rose immediately tried to move away from them both.

"Oh, Rose c'mon, tell mum what happened. Why do you want to be away from us so badly? No matter what it is, you can tell us, and we will never stop caring about you. I love you, Rose."

"Mum, don't you see? That exactly why I can't stay. You'll love me anyway, and I don't deserve it. I've failed both of you."

The Doctor walked to the door of the medbay, made sure it was shut, and whirled around on the two Tyler women. "No one moves until I hear this story. Rose, you left to see Shareen. When you came back, you made for your room like the armies of Napoleon were on your heels." Rose squirmed uncomfortably; she didn't think he'd noticed. The Doctor continued, "Then you take off for parts unknown with a note telling me you're no good. Now that's a stupid-ape comment if I ever heard one. You're not one for guilty statements like that. So what's happened? And why was getting blind-drunk and breaking your arm in the process the only course, huh?"

Rose sat dejected on the couch, and her look turned between her mother and her Doctor. "My Doctor," she thought. "He won't be anymore by the time I'm done." She sighed, knowing that the faster she told her story, the faster she could leave.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and spoke. "I was out at a club with Shareen. There were some boys there who she thought she remembered from a party she'd been to last month. They were chatting us up, and one of them was flirting with me." The Doctor tensed, and his fists squeezed. "The club was getting really crowded, and we all decided to go find some chips. As we left, he pulled me aside, to one of those little loading dock places, and he tried to kiss me. I pushed at him and laughed. I wasn't interested." 

She opened her eyes and looked at the Doctor, who just stared hard at her, and her mother, who nodded for her to continue, concern in every bit of her face. "He...he wouldn't stop. I've dealt with boys like that before, and usually they get annoyed and leave me alone. He didn't. I was about to give him a good swift knee to the groin when he pulled out a knife." Jackie gasped and moved toward her, the Doctor rooted to the floor in horror. Rose shrunk back and continued, "Mum, don't. I have to just say it.... He held the knife on me and he raped me. It...it makes me so sick to think of." Rose was sweating now, her mind reliving it. She began to shake and whispered "I know they always say that it's not your fault, that you didn't want it to happen. But all I feel is stupid...empty...it's my fault, and I didn't stop it." Tears fell from her eyes, and she held her good arm over her midsection, willing herself not to throw up.

Jackie stood and a small wail left her lips, "Rose, darling, why didn't you come to me right away?! Why didn't you tell the Doctor?? My God, we need to tell the police!!"

Rose shouted back, "NO!!! Don't you see, Mum? It's my own fault! I don't even know his name!!!! I'm such a whore. And what happens to girls who report these things? Girls from the Estate? If they're lucky they get a court date, and the charges get tossed! I could never go through with that. All those people blaming me with their eyes, knowing that I had it coming!!! Isn't that what Jimmy always told me?"

Until now, the Doctor had been silent. His eyes had filled, and he blinked the water away more than once. At the mention of Jimmy, his head snapped to and he walked from the medbay door to Jackie.

"Jackie, I'm going to do a quick exam here, make sure Rose's arm is ok. Would you put on the kettle?" Jackie spun around and was startled by the kindness and age in his eyes. As much as she wanted to talk some sense into her daughter, something in the Doctor's face told her that she would do better to leave. She nodded and put her hand on his leather jacket as she passed him and walked out the door. Squaring her shoulders, she gathered the courage to go find the kitchen. 

The Doctor grabbed his sonic screwdriver, and its whirring seemed to calm Rose a small amount. He ran it up and down her arm while his thoughts shattered into tiny pieces. His precious girl was broken, in mind and body, and he didn't know how to fix her. Rose's voice brought him out of his frantic reverie. "Think my arm's been scanned enough? You've been doing it now for a full two minutes." 

The screwdriver found its way to the Doctor's pocket, and he turned to her. His voice was low and gentle when he murmured "Please don't leave. Not yet. Let me help you. Please." He stared into her eyes and willed her to see his love and admiration for her. It was something he'd always felt, but would never dare admit. 

"Rose, I can help you. I can find whomever did this. I know I can." His hand slid over to hers, squeezing. 

Rose looked at their hands, and seemed to weigh her options. She wanted nothing more than to fall into her Doctor's arms and sob. She wanted to let him fix it. But could she reconcile this to herself? How could she ever live with this?  
****************************************  
Jackie lifted the kettle and poured 3 mugs full. Her mind was full of horrible pictures, and she shook her head. She wanted to find the trash that did this to her little girl and make sure he never walked again. Castration was a must. She didn't want him to die, oh no, he should live out his days in the same grief and terror her baby endured. 

She found herself imagining this man's torture, with the kettle hanging in mid-air. Putting it down, she almost smiled. They had the Doctor on their side now. If anybody could help Rose see reason and find this... thing, it was the Doctor.

"Rose, please." Rose pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and winced at the pain on her other side. Her broken arm still smarted, but she didn't dare tell him that. He would give her more medication, and she needed her wits about her now. She was full of torn emotion, pulling her in every direction. She wanted the Doctor to help her, but she also wanted to run and keep her mother and him free of the chains of this. She knew her life would never be the same. She decided to do something revolutionary... she would tell him the truth.

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. There is a part of me that wants to run, and make sure you and my mother don't have to look at my face ever again. That part of me is huge right now, it's trying to take over. But there is still a little bit of me that wants your help. That wants Mum's love and support.... that wants..."

"Rose, let me in. Let me be the help you need. Being on your own in't going to do anything good. It'll only lead to more heartache for you. Let us help you. Your mum loves you, you know that well and good. And..."

Rose sat very still, willing her brain to hear and see everything. Could he know how she wanted to hear that he loved her as she loved him? But how did she love him? Like a friend? A brother? A father-figure? Or something more? She pushed her silly schoolgirl thoughts to the side. The last thing she needed right now was to sound like she'd been reading one-too-many of her mother's romance novels. She wanted to hear what he was going to say. 

"Rose, I know you're afraid. I know you're confused. This is all very new, for all of us. But I won't give up on you... you've never given up on me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"You see, that's what I mean, Doctor! You wouldn't be dealing with a ridiculous situation like this and having to stop your work for a bleedin' idiot like me!"

"No, Rose. I wouldn't be here at all. You saved me."

She was stunned. What in the world...?

The Doctor flexed his hands and looked down at her. He couldn't help but move his hand to the side of her face, where the same lock of hair had poked out again from behind her ear. He played with the piece, it's bleached blonde color making him quirk a one-sided smile. 

"I was wandering without any real purpose. Life didn't mean much, after the war. That day when you kept asking me questions in the car park at the Estates, remember that? You were so curious and forthright. You went and looked for more information about me. Met that Clive bloke who's been following bits of me around here on Earth. You actually wanted to know me. You wanted to know more. I felt like I mattered again."

Rose kicked her feet slowly under the medical couch, back and forth, back and forth, like she was a little girl. She started to process what he was saying, and made another decision.

"Doctor, you're right. You let me in, and I need to do the same."

The Doctor exhaled swiftly. His respiratory bypass had seemed to have taken over without his noticing. He supposed he had been holding his breath. He looked directly into her eyes and spoke.

"Rose, I am sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe. But I promise, I absolutely promise to you that I will from now on. You are too precious to me."

He pulled her against him, gingerly putting one arm around her broken side, and fiercely gripping her uninjured side with his other. He buried his face in her messy hair and breathed a few deep breaths. She snaked her arms around his middle and pulled hard. Her face was hot against his jumper, and she breathed him in. They both stayed still and strong, holding each other, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Rose still wasn't sure how either of them felt, but for now, it was enough that he was there. And he wasn't leaving her.  
*****************************************************************************  
The Doctor had convinced Rose to head back to her room for a bit of rest. He helped her into the room, and she headed over to the bathroom to change into pajamas. She still couldn't quite believe she'd agreed to stay. Her mother was off making a cuppa, and she had no doubt the Doctor would find her a place to sleep while they figured things out. Jackie wouldn't want to go far. 

As she came out of the bathroom, she saw the Doctor near the bed, pulling a chair close. The covers had been pulled back, and she slid in, a questioning look in her eyes. 

"I'm not leaving your side, Rose. Your mother should be here with tea in a moment."

"That's not necessary, Doctor. I can sleep on my own." She turned to her side, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes again. She was already so sick of all the crying. He saw her trying to hold things together, and sat on the bed next to her.

"Rose, look at me please." She reluctantly turned back to where he was sitting. He took hold of her hand. "What has happened has changed you, and there's no telling how long it will take to feel yourself again. And when I say 'yourself', I don't mean that you'll suddenly forget this week and act as though it never happened. I mean that over time you will feel as though you can do things on your own. You won't feel like crying all the time. But that time hasn't come yet. I'm sticking by your side because I know that you need the support of your....friends." He wanted so much to tell her he loved her and would always be there, but she wouldn't be able to take that right now. Rose let the tears freely flow down her face, squeezing his hand.

"Thank you, Doctor. I hope you're right. Right now, it feels like I'll be broken forever."

"I know it does. Although I have never been assaulted as you have, I know what it's like to feel as though you're breaking apart at the seams. And as you have helped me, I swear I'll help you."

There was a knock at the door. The Doctor opened it, and Jackie came in with a tray. "Here we are, love. A nice cup of tea and we'll figure out what's next."

Rose took a mug and cradled it, watching her mother and the Doctor sipping their own tea. Here they were, in her room on the TARDIS, and nobody was yelling at each other. Amazing. She nearly smiled as she drank her tea. Her mother looked like she couldn't be any more uncomfortable, but she smiled at Rose nonetheless. The Doctor put his mug down and shrugged his leather jacket off. 

"Jackie, I'm going to take this first shift of watching over Rose while she sleeps. There's a room two doors down on the left for you to sleep in. Get a few hours rest, and we'll discuss things in the morning."

"Are you sure? Don't you think we should get this wanker as soon as we can?"

"We will, Jackie. But right now, Rose needs sleep."

Rose smiled genuinely, thanking the Doctor in her head. 

"Really, mum, I should probably sleep now. I can barely keep my eyes open."

Jackie rather unwillingly picked up the tray and walked up to Rose. "I love you, my girl. Sleep well."

"Love you too, mum. Thank you."

As Jackie left, the Doctor sat in the chair by the bed. Rose turned on her side again, and suddenly felt a weathered hand rubbing her back. Within minutes, she was asleep.  
*******************************************************************************************  
The next morning, Jackie and the Doctor both rose early. If they were being honest, neither had slept a wink. They were both thinking of ways to help Rose. The Doctor was tinkering at the TARDIS console, and Jackie found herself pacing Rose's room while she still slept. 

"No! God, no help! Someone please help me!"

Jackie ran to the edge of Rose's bed, shaking her awake and pulling her close. Rose sobbed into her mother's shoulder and tried to shake the dream from her mind. 

"It's alright, Rose. I'm here."

"Oh Mum, it was just so horrible. The whole thing was a nightmare. No one had ever kissed me like that before. It was as if he was trying to hurt me just by kissing me. He was so strong; I couldn't stop it. Why couldn't I stop it Mum?!??"

"I know, Rose, I know, but you must remember that none of this was your fault."

Jackie was about to speak again, but didn't get the chance. The Doctor burst through the bedroom door, sonic out and ready. 

"Rose! Rose, are you alright? I heard you scream. Please tell me what happened."

Jackie spoke up: "A nightmare Doctor. It'll be ok."

Rose looked hard at the Doctor. He actually looked tired. He never looked tired. She felt concern for him, but kept quiet. She didn't know how her mother would react to her asking how he was. She'd probably just yell at her. 

"Mum, I'm going to get up and get dressed. Can you both give me a minute?"

The Doctor lowered his arm and spoke. "OK, I'll get some breakfast going for us all, and then we can talk about what's next. We are going to find the... creature... that attacked you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Rose and the Doctor's journey through uncharted territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again TRIGGER WARNING for sexual violence and its recovery process. I'm always here to answer any questions you may have regarding this as well.

There was tea on the floor, unnoticed in all that had happened over night. It’d been 4 weeks since the attack. Four weeks of absolute terror and heartbreak. Four weeks of searching, of hoping, of defeat. Rose had almost nothing to go on, nothing to help the Doctor find her rapist. She was beginning to think that the man would get away with it. She refused to go to the police, and the Doctor was running out of ideas. Rose knew that she was reaching a new breaking point. She hadn’t left the TARDIS since the night she’d been brought back unconscious in the Doctor’s arms. She was plagued by nightmares, and her waking hours were filled with jumping at every little crash and unfamiliar sound.

The Doctor has an idea: one that would probably be shot down, but she had to try. Jackie was back at the Esatate, and he needed to help Rose. He walked into her room, preparing himself for some more Tyler fury, and watched Rose brush her hair. 

“Alright, Rose?”

“I guess. Alright, Doctor?”

“Well, I’ve been having a think. I know you don’t want to go to the police about what happened, and I also know you haven’t left the TARDIS in weeks. I think we should go out for a walk and maybe some chips? My treat.”

“Oh I don’t know, Doctor. There’s a good book just waiting for me in the library. Thought I’d have a swim as well.”

“Swimming’s always good for ya, but I think going outside is more important. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“Well, maybe after a cuppa? I could do with a bit of breakfast.”

The Doctor jumped slightly at her wanting food. She’d lost so much weight, and had to be goaded into every meal. He strode to the door and smiled.”

“Tea and toast it is. Marmalade?”

“Yeah, that’d be lovely.”

“Coming right up!”

The Doctor practically fled on wings to the kitchen, throwing together their breakfast as though she’d walk in with her mind changed at any moment. As he prepared tea and toast, he wondered how he would broach the subject of going out there and getting some more answers. The way she had languished in the last 4 weeks was something he had allowed to get out of hand. All the tea and timid hugs in the world would not help her with her nightmares and nonexistent confidence. Rose entered the kitchen and he froze.

“Smells good. Where’s the marmalade?”

“Well, thank you. My toast-making skills are lauded throughout this galaxy at least. Top shelf, right side cupboard.”

He looked over his shoulder as he pulled toast from the toaster and saw she was dressed in clothes, and had shoes on her feet. He nearly sighed audibly. This might happen.

“So, Doctor, where are we off to?”

“Dunno as of this second. Thought we’d walk out the door and let our feet carry us.”

“Um, ok, let’s try it.”

After breakfast had been consumed, they donned (well, Rose donned) a jacket and they left the TARDIS. Standing against the weathered blue wood, Rose seemed to shrink back, and so the Doctor took her hand and pulled. 

“Let’s go, Miss Tyler. It’s time to see what’s changed!”

“What could possibly have changed in only 4 weeks. Oh wait, never mind.”

The Doctor ignored her comment and they strolled through the estate car park, making for the nearest city bus. After traveling for about 15 minutes without much talk, the Doctor said, 

“Ah, your old stomping grounds! We can find chips here.”

Rose looked up to see the newly refurbished building where Henrik’s had once stood. Now a new department store, the bustling crowds meandered in and out of it and the surrounding stores.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Doctor.”

“I know, Rose. I know it’s scary. I know it must be very hard to think of opening yourself up again, but I can’t allow you to run from your life. We run toward the danger, remember?”

“OK, but…. would you hold my hand?”

“Oh, Rose.” He could barely contain a tear as he grasped and linked her fingers with his. She nodded and they disembarked.

Immediately a pedestrian jostled her, and Rose nearly screamed. Then she pulled herself together and continued to walk at the Doctor’s pace, mostly trying to keep her hand intact. She noticed different things: a new album out she might want to listen to, a pair of jeans that looked ridiculous (she might even come back for them later). The Doctor grinned at her face as she saw No.7 had a new palette of eye makeup out. 

“See, Rose? Things have changed in leaps and bounds!”

“Shut up! I only….. ah, I see what you’ve done there, sir. Trying to tempt me out with accessories and shopping?”

“Is it working?”

“Might be. But let’s find some chips soon. Tea and toast is fine if we’re staying on the TARDIS, but not out in the rest of the world!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

They continued to wander. About a half hour later, they came to another section of town that emanated some fantastically chip-like smells. After buying a heaping portion for each of them, the Doctor led Rose to a nearby bench. Rose dropped her chips and began to hyperventilate. 

“Rose, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Get away from me! Don’t touch me, please, just take my money. You can have my phone, whatever. Just stop!”

The Doctor dumped his food as well and whipped out his screwdriver. She was having a panic attack, but she couldn’t seem to see him. Scanning her face, her eyes were in perfectly working order. Finally, he mentally gave himself a head slap as he realized that she was in the midst of a flashback.

“Rose, listen to the sound of my voice. I’m right here, it’s the Doctor, and you are safe. Your feet are on the ground, you are safe. Your hands are in the Doctor’s, and you are safe.”

He continued on with the mantra that he had read about for flashbacks when Rose was first attacked. As he continued further, her breathing slowed and she stopped crying. People walking by were looking at them curiously, but didn’t stop. For once, human disinterest allowed him to talk Rose down without causing a fuss. Finally, she looked up at him and spoke:

“It happened again, didn’t it?”

“Yes, but that was a really short one! They’re diminishing, Rose. I promise.”

“They may diminish for you, Doctor, but they’re still just the same as that night for me.”

“Of course, I’m sorry. Is there something else I can do for you?”

Yes, she thought, You could hold me until the end of time. You could take my hands in yours and promise these things will never happen again. You could kiss me, and tell me that your love will erase every memory of the horrible day my joy died. She needed comfort so badly, but she needed to be strong. She almost had the impression she needed to be strong for the Doctor more than anyone.

“No, Doctor, but can we go home? I’m not feeling so much like shopping anymore.”

“Alright. Shall I get us chips for the road?”

She nodded, and he ran over to the store, leaving her to clear up her tears and straighten her ponytail. They hopped the bus back to the estate, and as she entered the TARDIS again, Rose sighed in relief.

“Let’s have some food, and maybe we can talk a little bit, Rose?”

“Yeah, ok, sure.”

The Doctor cursed the timing of the horrible flashback that plagued her. He really was hoping to get her out of the TARDIS for a whole day, and now he’d spend it trying to calm her. That part he didn’t mind, he never minded. He loved that yellow-haired girl with both his hearts, but now was absolutely NOT the time to bring any kind of romantic anything into the picture. She needed his strength and forthright attitude to bring her back. Or at least as far back to before as was possible. All he knew is he’d give the world to see her smile. Her real smile. 

They made their way to the kitchen for their second attempt at lunch. Rose “mmm”d quietly at the chips, and the Doctor pulled down the malt vinegar from the shelf. They tucked in. 

Minutes later, Rose sat back in her chair. 

“That’s it, I admit defeat! I couldn’t eat another one.”

“We picked a good shop. These were pretty good.”

“Yeah. We’ll have to remember it for next time.”

The Doctor beamed at her mention of a next time, but then became serious when he remembered what he wanted to talk to her about.

“Rose, I’ve been meaning to talk to you ‘bout somethin.”

Rose froze. Here it came. She was getting thrown out. He was sick of not going anywhere. She was done. She didn’t know what she would do. How would she live without him?

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. So you know I’ve been staying here at night so that you’re never alone?”

“Yeah? Thank you for that.”

“Well I was wonderin if it was alright with you if I went out at night to do a few things. I’ll always make sure I’m here in the morning before you wake up. What do you think?”

Rose took in a large breath and slowly let it out. She was terrified, but knew that the Doctor had been far too long without any planets to save, any intergalactic action in his life. She had to let him do this, even though it killed her, it numbed her to her core.

“Yeah, Doctor, that would be fine. I can certainly manage my sleep on my own! I have a new podcast to listen to to fall asleep, and that should really help. I can absolutely manage.” She swung her ponytail a bit in feigned indignance and hoped he would buy it.

“OK, we can try it tonight, and I’ll have my cell phone on the whole night. You can reach me anyway, courtesy of jiggery-pokery and universal satellites. OK?”

“Yeah, I said it’s fine. It’s fine!” Rose was angry now, and she couldn’t even see why.

“OK, well, then, yeah.” The Doctor got up and left the room, anxious to get moving on his attempts to reinvestigate Rose’s attack and get somewhere with it. She would be furious if she knew, so he made sure she thought he needed to go galavanting across the stars. But he would stay here, on Earth, and find the person who did this to his precious flower. Even as the thought crossed his mind he jolted a bit. He hadn’t felt this way in many many centuries. He blew out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and made his way toward the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for sexual violence and its recovery. I'm always here to answer questions surrounding this as well.

Rose let tears run down her face as she packed her bag. He didn’t want her anymore. Hell, she didn’t want herself. She was so filthy, so broken, and every other stupid cliche imaginable. She almost laughed as she thought back to what she used to think of rape victims. That they weren’t strong enough, that they should just go to the cops, that they were whiners and complainers. She acknowledged that they had been through something horrific, but she also thought they should just get on with it already! 

Then it happened to her. And it all changed. Every bit of what she heard and saw was completely legitimate. She couldn’t see past it anymore. She loved the Doctor so fiercely, and he would never want to be near her. She admitted that every small touch and smile was like a salve to her broken heart, but he would tire of that, as he always did, and she would be of no use. He was out hunting monsters. Now she would take her own monsters out of this beautiful safe space. 

The TARDIS seemed to jar a bit, almost knocking her off her left foot. Lights flashed. Rose wondered if something was off. Then she pushed her earbuds in, threw her bag over her shoulder, and set off into the London evening.   
*************************************************************  
No leads. No DNA. No clue as to how this wanker got away with hurting his Rose scot-free! This was insanity. The Doctor headed back to the alley where he found Rose after her drunken binge. He found a bit of her hair, more trash, but it had been too long, there was most likely nothing of any consequence even left. He kept walking, trying to remember the route Rose thought she had taken. 

His thoughts were skewed though. They were overtaken by a young woman who he was finally realizing he loved. Not because of this terrible crime, but because of her absolute will to live. Her continuing to work on herself, on techniques for panic and flashbacks, for reading all that she did. She was a warrior, and he loved her. And so now, barreling down a London Street, he found himself thinking of her hair, her smile, her pokes of fun at him. Her smell was so unique to him, he swore he could smell it now. And then he saw her, not 10 feet away, trying to hail a cab. 

“Rose?”

“Doctor! I—“

“What are you doing? Why do you have a bag packed? What have I done wrong?”

Rose laughed and put her arm down, discontinuing her quest for a cab. “You have done nothing wrong, you daft man. It’s me. I’m a horrible burden, a mess of a human, a silly ape, and that is why I need to leave you to be amongst the stars. Go save worlds, Doctor. My world is gone now.”

“No, Rose, my world is here! Don’t you see? I wasn’t going out to save planets…..I’ve been looking for clues to help find the thing that did this to you.”

“Wait, you mean all those times? When you were out? That was all for me?”

“Of course it was, you dunderhead! I have been out here trying to avenge the woman I——“

“What, Doctor?” Rose asked softly. “What were you going to say?”

He threw his shoulders back, ”The woman I want to see justice for. The woman I consider my friend.”

“Truly?”

“Truly. You are my dearest friend, Rose. I can’t lose you. Please, come back to the TARDIS with me? Please.”

Rose sighed. She suddenly felt unbelievably tired. She needed to lie down, maybe do a breathing exercise. This was all just so much. Jesus! She couldn’t even run away properly.  
************************************************************************************************************************  
She woke to the smell of toast and tea, and knew she had made the right decision. The feeling came to her like a lightning bolt. She was here, on the TARDIS, where she was supposed to be. She opened up her book of meditations sitting on her bed and began to breathe slowly, in and out, going through the steps of the morning meditation. She had found this book more helpful than most. It was easy to follow, and not to “love thy neighbor”. The hippie stuff just didn’t click with her. But what she could not get over was the absolute feeling of belonging, of being where she needed to be. It almost made her feel whole again. 

What had happened to her would always be there, and that part of her history wouldn’t suddenly change, but her life could continue on. The Doctor had helped her see that. She had been on a few small escapades with him since she’d tried to run away again. Nothing big, just a few planets in need of a little diplomatic help from him. There had been almost no running at all. And in between the running and traversing the stars, she’d used her meditations and her coping mechanisms to stay on a relatively even keel. She didn’t have as many flashbacks. And perhaps the best part was the Doctor held her hand all the time now. She reveled in that bit of constant contact with the man (well, alien) she loved. She knew it now, fully and unequivocally. She loved him and she would take whatever she could get. If hand-holding was it, than that was it. Soon the meditation was complete, and she went out to the Doctor. She needed to fill him in on what had gone through her head. Well, most of it anyway.

Making her way to the kitchen, she found him standing at the counter, adding bits of sugar and milk to their tea. She stood there for a moment, just taking him in, watching him nimble hands maneuver things, taking in the way his tall and lanky form slumped to the right a bit as he did so. She smiled. She was happy.

“Mornin.”

“Mornin, Rose. Fancy a cuppa?”

“Always. Thanks for thinking of it.”

“Anything for my pink and yellow human. What’s on the docket for today?”

“Well, I think you should sit down, Doctor. I have something to say.”

The Doctor froze, but smiled and moved to the table, her following. All the toast, butter, marmalade, and tea were out and ready for consumption. Rose smiled briefly and started in.

“Doctor, it’s been nearly two months since my rape. I’ve been through a lot, and I know you’re upset that you couldn’t find the man who did this to me. I also know that you’ve watched me learn and figure out a lot. You’ve been wonderful.”

The Doctor reached for her hand, and she took it willingly.

“I want to let you know that I woke up this morning with a real change in my thinking. I know I’m meant to be here on the TARDIS. I know that what happened to me will always be, but it doesn’t have to control me. I guess what I mean to say is that I’m ready to be Rose again, if you’ll let me stay.”

He paused, trying not to jump up and kiss the breath right from her lungs. He’d been so hoping that she would eventually come to this conclusion, and that he would be able to be there for it.

“Rose, you are a part of this ship, this crew, this life that we have built. I want you to stay for as long as you’ll have me and this battered old ship. I’m so happy that you are feeling so much better.”

There was more that both parties wanted to say. But neither was quite that brave….yet.  
**********************************************************************************************************************  
Another two months elapsed. Another two months of saving civilizations and nearly getting killed. A lot of running and a lot of laughing. Then one night, the Doctor had an idea.

“Rose, I think this latest victory calls for some fun. How about a night on the town?”

“Really? What did you have in mind?”

“Well, what do most male/female groupings do: dinner and dancing! We both know I’ve got moves!”

Rose laughed till she cried: “Yes, Doctor, you have ‘moves’”.

“Alright then, get yourself dressed, and I’ll meet you at the front door in an hour.”

Rose prepared herself carefully, wanting to look beautiful for the Doctor. She’d let her hair grow in these last months, and so she curled it all down her back. She wore a red dress she’d picked up at an interplanetary fair, it went just to the knee, and heels to match. Putting on her usual makeup and a bit of jewelry, she went out to meet the Doctor.

What she saw at the front door of the TARDIS couldn’t have surprised her more if a horde of Daleks had been standing there. The Doctor was in a grey suit, white shirt, and pale purple tie. He was even wearing dress shoes; no combat boots tonight! She smiled her biggest smile and walked over to him.

The Doctor whistled low and Rose spun around once. “Rose, you are a sight to behold. Let’s go have a smashing evening!”

“Fantastic,” she replied.

They enjoyed a lovely dinner, and the Doctor asked Rose where a good place might be for dancing. She knew a number of clubs, but decided on one that was a little more posh, given their attire. They set off for the location in a cab, as it was a bit further than a walk in heels would allow, and quickly gained entrance. The music was loud, but they didn’t care, as they were in it for a fun and celebratory evening. They danced to all types of music, and even bashfully took part in a slow number or two, the Doctor’s arm around Rose’s waist, and her arms around his neck. Neither of them could stop smiling. At one point, Rose left to use the bathroom. The Doctor waited at a high-top table nearby. She seemed to be taking a long time, but he tried not to worry. Finally, his patience wore out and he walked over to the entrance to the ladies’ room. 

There Rose stood, shaking and crying. He gathered her to a corner and bent to meet her eyes.

“Rose, can you hear me? Are you alright?”

“He’s here. Doctor, oh my God, he’s here!”

The Doctor’s eyes darkened to nearly black. He managed one word. “Where.”

“He’s standing over at the bar, talking to the girl with black hair and a blue dress. He’s wearing a black suit, with blonde hair.”

The Doctor looked over and saw the beast. He lightly spoke to Rose “Are you ok on your own for a few minutes?”

“Yes, I’ll go back in the ladies’ to take some time.”

“Alright. I’ll call you.”

The Doctor strode over to the couple, and watched as the absolute filth in his sights was dumping something into the young woman’s drink. So apparently knives weren’t his only weapon of choice.

“Excuse me, sir, do you happen to have an extra cigarette?”

“Sorry, mate, don’t smoke.” He turned back, annoyed to have his attention taken from his mark.

“Excuse me, sir, do you happen to know where the bathroom is?”

“Over there somewhere, mate. Just buzz off.”

“Oh no, sir, you’re coming with me. Young lady, don’t drink that. He just drugged it.” And with that, the Doctor yanked the black-suited “sir” off his feet and out the back door of the club.

He took his time beating the living daylights out of him, mostly while he concocted a plan as to what he’d do with this piece of filth in front of him. The whole time he was yelling and screaming at him, not even taking into account what he was saying. The young man began begging for his life, and the Doctor assured him “Oh, I won’t kill you, you piece of trash. I’m going to find a nice place where you can rot for eternity. There are a few black holes not too far away from this planet, and I’m sure anyone of them would love to feast on you for all time. You made the biggest mistake you could have ever made. You raped the woman I love. You raped the sweetest and purest soul I’ve ever known, and I’m 945 years old! You raped the woman that I would give my last breath for. You raped the woman that I cannot live without. And for that, you will know an everlasting pain and agony.” All the while, the Doctor continued to kick, punch, and throw the young man back and forth across the alley. Finally a call rang out.

“Doctor!”

“Rose?”  
“Doctor, please you need to stop.”

“But Rose, I have plans for him.”

“I know, and I won’t stop you, but you’re attracting attention and they’re going to call the police.”

“Rose, will you go to your Mum’s? Just for a few hours? I’ll come and find you.”

“Yes, Doctor, I’ll be there.”

Rose turned away quickly, shaking, and made her way to the end of the alley where she called a cab. Had she really heard what she thought she heard? Had the Doctor professed such undying love for her? She was confused, and needed to talk to her Mum. The Doctor had been right once again.  
******************************************************************************************************************  
The Doctor brushed his hands swiftly together after having thrown Rose’s attacker out the front door of the TARDIS. It just happened to be open to all of time and space at the time. He would never hurt anyone ever again. Now he needed to go find Rose and make sure that she was alright.

“Mum, I’m so confused, but hopeful. I know that you’ve had your doubts about him, but if what I said is true, could it be that the Doctor loves me?”

“Darling, that man has loved you for a long time now. I saw it in his eyes the moment he came to the door looking for you when you ran away after the attack. He is completely besotted…… what do you think?”

“I think that…”

There was pounding on the door. Jackie got up and opened it, to the thunderous face of the Doctor staring back at her. 

“Is she alright? I sent her right here before I took care of things. Is she ok?”

“She’s fine, Doctor. She’s right here. I think I’m going to pop out for a little while. You two need a chat.”

“Um, well, I ….. Ok.”

The Doctor rushed into the kitchen where Rose was sitting, and immediately got her on her feet. His hands skimmed her arms as he looked her all over, looking for any signs of trouble. Then he crushed her into his arms, holding onto her for dear life. He let his hands brush her blonde curls while he breathed her in. After a minute or two, Rose spoke.

“Doctor?”

“Yes, Rose.”

“Can we go back to the TARDIS? My feet are killing me.”

“Oh! Of course. Let’s go.”

The walk was brief, as he had just landed the ship outside the building’s doors. Once they were inside, Rose kicked off her shoes and turned on the Doctor fully.  
“Did you mean it?”

“Did I mean what?”

“What you said in the alley. While you were hitting him. Did you mean it?”

The Doctor gasped and froze. His hearts beat a frantic pace. Would this end everything?

“Yes, Rose, I meant it. Every word.”

“Oh thank God!” And with that, she stood on her tiptoes and softly kissed his lips. They were rough and cool and she’d never felt anything so wonderful in her whole life. The Doctor lifted her up to his height and continued to kiss her, parting his lips slightly and reveling in the taste of her. 

“Rose, do you…. I mean…..that doesn’t scare you? You aren’t repulsed?”

“Oh you daft man, I’ve loved you so long I can’t remember a time when I didn’t. I was so afraid I was being a little girl, that you just saw me as that.“

“No, my love, I see you for what you are: a brave warrior. And now I can see you as the brave warrior who I love, with no hiding it.”

She stood up against him, her head on his chest. Leaning into him, she felt a piece she thought missing start to move back into place. She didn’t ask him what had happened to the horrible person who had hurt her. What mattered now was the wonderful being in front of her. She had traveled a long road, and she would continue to travel it, with him by her side. The world was right, and it continued to go round.

END


End file.
